Spoilers for “Spider-Man: No Way Home” ahead.
Young Peter Parker needs to move into his own apartment in Manhattan at the conclusion of “Spider-Man: No Way Home,” and although while the apartment depicted on screen isn’t the pinnacle of luxury, it’s still pretty dang nice given his budget and location! Which made us wonder what kind of apartment Peter Parker might actually afford in modern-day Manhattan.
Since Sam Raimi’s “Spider-Man” movies were released, New York City’s notoriously expensive rent costs have only become more prohibitive, and unlike Peter 2 and Peter 3, poor Peter 1 doesn’t even have his GED yet. Tony Stark may have left him with a set of spy glasses and a fleet of drones, but he didn’t leave him with a convenient stack of cash, and “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier” made it clear that none of the Avengers receive compensation for saving the world. Peter will need to find employment now that Aunt May has regrettably passed away and none of his former pals are aware of his existence. It’s possible that The Daily Bugle is seeking for amateur photographers to capture Spider-Man in action, but Peter would need to be in a truly bad situation to go work for the person who ruined his life.
We first planned to spend $1,000 USD a month for Spidey’s apartment. But as it turns out, there are no affordable housing options in Manhattan proper. Finding roommates would be the most cost-effective option, but it would make hiding his superhero exploits somewhat challenging (read: renting a box room with a fold-down bed that doesn’t fold all the way down since there isn’t enough room). Peter requires a private area.
Therefore, in order to survive on his own in the big city, Pete will need to hunt for his own food rather than buy it from the store, “steal” the Wi-Fi from a nearby coffee shop, and find a job that pays a lot of tips. Just weave a great huge web for catching pigeons, Pete (maybe something involvingpizza delivery). With those additional steps, we increased Spider-fictitious Man’s monthly housing budget to $1,500.
Here are seven potential residences for Peter Parker in Manhattan. One thing is for certain: there isn’t much floor space, so it’s a good thing he can sleep on the ceiling.
200 Square Feet To Call His Own
The first flat I discovered was in the upscale St. Marks district. With power, heat, cold water, and hot water already included in the 200 square foot apartment, Peter might be able to afford it for $1,200 per month. The apartment includes its own full-sized refrigerator—there is no trace of a kitchen, so Spidey would likely have to make do with a hotplate—and a small shelving unit that, if absolutely necessary, Spidey could probably use as a bed. The cost of this apartment is undoubtedly dependent on its location, which is just a few streets from popular Manhattan attractions including Greenwich Village, Washington Square Park, and Union Square.
Knowing that the typical one-car garage is roughly 200 square feet in size may help you understand how little a 200 square foot living area is. A king-size bed is roughly 42 square feet larger than the interior of a full-sized school bus, which has about 300 square feet. Peter may be a cute little boy, but this flat is rather small. In addition, he would not qualify under one particularly sad listing requirement:
Must have 2 co-signers or guarantors e.g.: parents or aunts, uncles, sibling, relatives etc. who can co-sign.
Oof. Let’s continue to look. Ryan, Danielle
The City That Never Sleeps (Because There’s No Bed)
One of those misleading apartment listings where you initially think, “Wow, that seems fairly great!” before asking yourself, “Hang on, where’s the bed?” Since there isn’t a bed in any of the photographs and this is a studio apartment, we must infer that the current inhabitant is sleeping on the couch.
Peter Parker is a teenager and probably has low standards for his sleeping arrangements, but Peter 2 and Peter 3 would undoubtedly caution him that his back needs a good mattress after a long day of swinging around the city. This $1,450 per month townhouse unit might be converted into a cosy little house if the couch was sacrificed, a single bed was put in its place, and some throw pillows were used to make it into sitting for the day. Sarah Shaw-Williams
Possible Tetanus and Unopenable Doors
The second apartment I discovered is on the upper east side of the city, close to the Carnegie Hill district. This one comes in at a whopping $1503 per month, slightly exceeding the budget, but at least it’s a little bigger. The restroom appears to be a potential health risk, and there is a cabinet door that is covered by the stove and cannot be opened. However, at least this flat has an oven! The stove also blocks the majority of the kitchen sink.
Peter Parker can rent a huge room with an adjoining little bathroom and reasonably usable kitchen for just over $1,500 per month. If he’s lucky, he won’t contract tetanus from the bathroom fixtures. The size of everything is weird enough without having to consider his getting a roommate because this one is out of his price range. Ryan, Danielle
A Little Further Out, But Look at that Toilet Seat!
There is a furnished flat in the heart of Harlem, two blocks from Central Park, if Peter is willing to park a little further away. Although there is no separate bedroom or kitchen in the studio, the enormous single room is cleverly split to create a kitchen section with a full-sized fridge and stove(!) and some storage.
The custom-made dolphin toilet seat, which the description refers to as “one of a kind,” is what really sells this apartment. Even if it costs $1401 a month, it would be worthwhile to spend a little additional money each month to enjoy the luxury of resting your cheeks on a bespoke seat. Peter could also use this flat with a little tint tweaking if he ever decides he wants to start making his own green screen movies! Ryan, Danielle
More Unopenable Cabinets in Central Harlem
Being able to open cabinet doors is a luxury in a market when housing is competitive. When Peter has to access the top unit in this kitchen, his flexibility and agility will be useful since he could likely get those doors partially open and wriggle his hand inside. But he can’t reach the lower cabinets without constantly shifting the refrigerator. That extension lead’s proximity to the sink also gives me some cause for concern.
At $1,500 per month, this “1 1/2 bedroom” apartment will be beyond Spider-means, Man’s but at least the heating and hot water are covered, and at 700 square feet, it’s practically palatial. This is also in central Harlem, so he’d have a bit of a commute to any downtown locations. Fortunately, Peter has a neat way of beating New York traffic. Sarah Shaw-Williams
Recreate Risky Business on Striver’s Row
This is one ofthose studio apartmentswhere Peter’s bed is going to end up being placed uncomfortably close to the stove no matter where he puts it, but on the bright side, look at those shiny floors! There’s no better way to embrace newfound freedom than to do theTom Cruise sock slide from “Risky Business,”and that floor is so shiny that you could probably slide all the way across the apartment without stopping.
This studio is also pet-friendly, which is handy in caseSpider-Hamdrops by, and at $1,395 per month it’s practically affordable! We’re a long way uptown again, on West 140th Street, but the listing boasts “good proximity to laundromats, grocery stores, delis, and more!” Sarah Shaw-Williams
A Room, No View
And last but … well, actually itisleast, there’sthis apartment, which is really just a room with a washer and dryer in it. For $1,100 a month, Peter could rent this room, which looks like itmightfit a double bed if he shoved it in there sideways and webbed himself to it every night. The room is for students only and there’s a shared bathroom, which would work alright for Peter, but that’s $1,100 a month for a tiny room and nothing else. No kitchen, a bathroom you have to share with a bunch of other nerds, and one teeny room. Maybe he should see if there’s any available closets in the Avengers compound they’re probably bigger. Ryan, Danielle
